Yesterday I saw a psychiatrist for the first time in a long time. He was nice, I liked him, but he didn't write me a prescription. Instead he wants me to do Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
DBT is apparently the hot new thing in psychotherapy and is an intensive outpatient program for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. It sounds really good, and like it would be incredibly beneficial, but it's also really scary. One of the programs Dr. Teitel suggested is five days a week for six months!
I really do want to get better and stop hurting myself, self sabotaging, and making life hard for everyone around me... but I'm so accustomed to my bad habits that I think it would be very hard to give them up.
It sucks to be so miserable that I make myself throw up, starve myself, cut myself, do drugs that I know are hurting me, sleep with people for no reason, cry in a locked room, yell at my friends, etc.... but at the same time... that's me. These habits are terrible, but they're MY habits that I've cultivated over the past ten years... and it's hard to close the book on anything.
3 comments:
Never give up !
Wish u a lot of good luck
you're no true borderliner. you just seek attention and develop habits known to be symptoms of a desease you looked up on wikipedia.
i know it sounds mean, but think about whether i'm right or not just for one second.
what would happen if someone told you you didn't have it all along?
Do you know what I think? You're a pretty perfect version of you. Why feel the need to change your behaviour just because other people tell you it's not "normal" You are who you are. If you stop starving yourself, stop cutting yourself..........then you'll stop being you. You'll become an anesthetised version of you that is more acceptable to society
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