i spent too much money today...

so last night I ended up stress-eating like 300 calories at work so I didn't do as well as I thought. Still, it wasn't that bad for a first day I guess.

Today I got my haircut and it looks really pretty, so that's good inspiration to not mess up a good haircut by getting fatter. I bought some new clothes and then went shopping for some restricting friendly food at the bodega near my apartment.

I got...

Apple Sauce Cups (100 cals per cup)
Sauer Kraut in a can (0 cals per serving)
Mixed Vegetables in a can (40 cals per serving)
Saltine Crackers (60 cals for 5 crackers)
Progresso Chicken and Wild Rice Soup (100 cals per serving)
Campbell's Roasted Beef with Mushroom Soup (120 cals per serving)
Lipton's Instant Chicken Noodle Soup (45 cals per packet)

Tonight for dinner I had a serving of the beef soup and 5 saltines... so right now, as of 7pm, I'm only at 180 cals for the day. I may break down and have some apple sauce during American Idol but I'm going to try not to.


I talked to my mom on the phone today and she wants me to see this fancy nutritionist because she thinks that I gained weight after going off of an anti-psychotic I was on a few years ago. While that might be partially true, I know that the real reason I gained weight was because my anorexia destroyed my metabolism and I never learned to eat right because my food and emotions are too closely linked.

That is just like my mom. She always always always wants there to be an easy fix.... some pill I can take to make me skinny and happy and normal. She can't deal with the fact that maybe I have real problems.

here we go again

Since I am gross and fat I've decided that I need to start restricting again.

I've been purging a lot recently but I'm not really convinced that works.

So today was day 1. I ate nothing all day and then for work I got:

A hotdog (242 cals) because I had been craving one all day, with a roll (79 cals), sauerkraut (20 cals) and a side salad (6 cals) with a little bit of fat free dressing (5 cals).

For a snack later I brought an apple (72 cals) and a banana (105 cals).

If thats all I eat all day I will have a total of 519 calories. Not bad.