blahhhhhhh

I sprained my ankle last friday after a night of drinking, dancing, and coking with Larry, ex-rival Lauren, and her friend Alicia.

Since then, I haven't left my apartment at all. It's terrible.

What's worse is that I'm starting to really despise a lot of my close friends. I seem to want to only spend my time with my wildly self-destructive friends lately. Everyone else just seems boring. And ignorant. And juvenile. I don't know what it is. It can't just be the drugs.

It has escalated.

This situation is really too much for me to handle... I'm crazy, that's true, I've been crazy my whole life. Generally, I find myself fairly able to deal with things in a way that makes me seem mostly sane. In the past few days, I feel like I've transformed from my normal level of moderate crazy to full on psychotic.

Last night I went to an awesome Lost viewing party with people I don't see often. That was nice and I felt totally under control. Afterwards, I met up with some friends at a bar. Daniele and Ryan D were there. It's kind of amazing how much it upsets me. I just don't want to see either of them, but they are trying SO HARD to spend time with me. The whole thing almost feels like an out-of-body experience. I get so numb around them that I feel like I'm not even there.

I drank too much to control myself. I avoided them to the point it was very obvious. I just HAD to. I feel bad to mistreat two of my friends, but I can't help it. Every time I'm around them I am completely miserable... to the point that I burnt myself with a cigarette.

I need to avoid them to stay sane, but that just seems impossible.