I am super depressed and hopeless.

I feel like everyone around me constantly makes me miserable.

The idea that I will probably stay in the same place my whole life makes me want to die. That's the curse of being born in New York I guess. Most people leave the area they grew up at least for a few years in college. Am I destined just to float around the New York area forever?

I often think that leaving would be the only way to make some major change in my life, but I don't think I'm brave enough to actually do it.

I seriously can't stand the people around me.

I feel gross and fat. I've been trying to restrict but not doing a very good job of it. I drink too much. I purged today. I hate myself so much, I don't understand why right now the hatred isn't translating into starvation. I wish it was. I am so disgusting and everyone hates me.

I can't sleep. All I can do is lie in my bed and think about how miserable I am and how unlikely it is that anything will ever get any better.

The people that are supposedly my best friends disgust me in every way right now.

I know I've felt this way before... but it feels so utterly deep and sorrowful... It feels like it will never pass.

It always does though, right?

blahhhhhhh

I sprained my ankle last friday after a night of drinking, dancing, and coking with Larry, ex-rival Lauren, and her friend Alicia.

Since then, I haven't left my apartment at all. It's terrible.

What's worse is that I'm starting to really despise a lot of my close friends. I seem to want to only spend my time with my wildly self-destructive friends lately. Everyone else just seems boring. And ignorant. And juvenile. I don't know what it is. It can't just be the drugs.