This situation is really too much for me to handle... I'm crazy, that's true, I've been crazy my whole life. Generally, I find myself fairly able to deal with things in a way that makes me seem mostly sane. In the past few days, I feel like I've transformed from my normal level of moderate crazy to full on psychotic.
Last night I went to an awesome Lost viewing party with people I don't see often. That was nice and I felt totally under control. Afterwards, I met up with some friends at a bar. Daniele and Ryan D were there. It's kind of amazing how much it upsets me. I just don't want to see either of them, but they are trying SO HARD to spend time with me. The whole thing almost feels like an out-of-body experience. I get so numb around them that I feel like I'm not even there.
I drank too much to control myself. I avoided them to the point it was very obvious. I just HAD to. I feel bad to mistreat two of my friends, but I can't help it. Every time I'm around them I am completely miserable... to the point that I burnt myself with a cigarette.
I need to avoid them to stay sane, but that just seems impossible.
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