this is it

i think i'm at a bottom. This is a place I haven't been to since 2003, a place I never thought I'd go back to. I am completely non-functioning again. I can go to work, but not much else. I can't even pretend to be okay in social situations. I feel depressed and full of anxiety and paranoid. I think that everyone hates me, and feel like every person around me is constantly judging me. I have total "burden on everyone" syndrome and it seems litterally impossible for me to do anything.

I am super sensitive and irritable and incredibly angry. I'm very fragile and feel like I am in danger of breaking at any second. I really feel like I need to go to the hospital, but I can't. If I went they would keep me for at least five days or a week and I would loose my job. This is terrible.