it's been a while since i posted.
i'm in a bit of a crazy time right now. I'm pretty depressed. I feel gross. I have been single for a very long time and most of my friends have boyfriends. It's gotten to the point that I feel like I must be a disgusting and annoying fat person that no one can get close to. People think I'm "cool" and "awesome" and "popular" but no one wants to date me.
right now I have gotten to the point where I am getting dillusional. There's this guy I work with who is not attractive (I would never go for an attractive guy because they would never go for me in a million years) and I don't even really know if he's cool, he's really shy, and I get shy around him so we haven't spoken more than 20 words to eachother. My friend Chrissie says that he looks like a glow worm and he kind of does.
Anyway, yesterday I abused my power at work (why anyone put someone as fucked up as me in a position of power is beyond me) to be able to sit next to him, and though I was shy, I eventually managed to invite him out to my barbeque on Sunday. He was friendly and said he'd like to come, he even lives two blocks away from me.
The only problem is that I don't think he likes me at all... i don't think anyone could... and now I am so crazy that I have convinced myself that I am in love with him. I day dream about how happy I'd be if we had sex, how he would ask me to move back to Seattle with him. I am miserable over some person I don't even know.
Plus, I'm super fat. I still don't have a scale, but I doubt I've been loosing weight, which sucks because I NEVER eat more than 500 calories a day. I even cut the fruit out of my diet... now all I eat is a Lean Cuisine which is under 300 calories. How can I restrict so much and not loose weight?
It must be the beer, but I'm too depressed not to drink.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
An anonymous place for me to reveal what I'm going through.
2 comments:
You've got to stop beating yourself up so much. Let us do it. stop over to my blog and check out my blogroll some of the people in the Bipolar niche are really fun to talk to. We Bust on each other. So really stop beating up on your self and come and pick on me. Have a great day.
You're not losing weight because your body is hoarding what little calories you're putting into it. Your body thinks that you're dying, and you very well may be if you continue eating less than 300 calories a day, so it wants to hang on to all the calories you put in it.
Post a Comment