Having an ex-lover/current best friend fucking my roommate/best friend has started to become more than I can handle.
As is the way with people like me, something that makes me uncomfortable doesn't tend to subside as time goes on. It tends to fester inside my head and make my brain feel like its rotting and deteriorating at an alarming speed.
To think that just over a week ago we were all a happy little band of friends, spending nearly every day together... drinking beers, going shopping for records, dancing the night away at Royal Oak. Now the idea of spending time with either of them (let alone both of them together) makes me feel scared and alone and repulsive.
Ryan has always had this strange hero complex with me... he knows that I'm sick and usually wants to "save me". I sometimes find it annoying, but also have been known to take advantage of it when I need it. I am so tempted to do that now. But I can't.
I want to seem like the victim, it's a bit of an obsession of mine. The problem is, that if I confront them and they stop (though I doubt any caring for me would get past their selfishness) then they become the victims and I become the person who ruined something for them.
I'd rather just suffer silently so I don't have to be at fault for anything.
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